It's been a while

I am not going to pretend anyone is going to read this, I am not going to fill my imaginary readers in on what has happened since my last post in May. I just want to rant and feel pity for myself and no one will know but I will feel better. Thats the plan anyway.
I can help but cry. It was such a small accomplishment compared to what was taken from me, but it was finally something. So few seems to really care that I finally did it and can move on from this miserable mess. People get huge parties and at least congrats at high school graduations, what is so different about me. I know a GED isn't as good as a high school diploma and it's a few years to late but, do I not deserve that too? All the things seniors got to do was taken from me. I thought maybe, I could at least have that. But I was wrong. I barely got any responses to people when I posted on FB, I got one response when Jake posted it on the LARP forums. I am not proud of my accomplishment. I feel cheap and lonely. I feel like I didn't do good enough to have that small piece. Something I have longed for, just a piece of normality.
I guess I was fooling myself that night when I called everyone so happy. I guess I still fool myself thinking I can have a piece of something I longed for and lost. That which is lost can never be found? Is that the case here? I have such a lonely existence. I can not get close to people. I can not tell people the full extent of what I am feeling. I'm lucky if I can tell people a little bit hidden in cryptic words on random FB postings.
It's times like these when I expect people to be around and do certain things that I find that I am truly alone. Everyone I have ever met, even loved, are either gone or just pushed away enough that they do not see.
But this is proof that even after all my hard work of keeping people at a distance, they can still hurt me without knowing it. I suppose I do it to myself.