Dreams and nightmares

A lost of the time when I go to bed I can't even close my eye without seeing horrible things. It usually means I am going to be having nightmares all night. I don't always remember them but I remember I could write a top selling thriller out of them. I also remember some of them are more then horrific, but just wrong. Last night I don't remember what I was seeing but I remember being somewhat awake and reaching out to something, (I hit Matt in the face a couple of times) and then I fully woke up and realized what I was doing. The result of this is little to no sleep. It might be worse lately because I attempted to start a diet that my body was not healthy enough to try. It's called the paleo diet. You take out all carbohydrates and eat as much fatty meats, veggies and lite fruits. It was to much a dramatic change so rapidly. My body is not healthy enough for that. Otherwise I am doing alright. I passed both my classes last quarter, I'm taking the summer off to find out what is wrong with me. My condition seems to be getting better with the upped dosage of the meds I'm taking as long as I don't over do it. The only thing I don't like right now is being stuck at home 24/7. Even a trip to the store is an adventure at this point. Oh well, nothing I can do right now.

Last night was a blast

No really.. last night was a blast. My lungs wanted to blast apart while my heart was stabbing me. I have no idea what the crap that was but it felt like my lungs were seizing and it hurt like hell to breath. It went on for at least fifteen to twenty minutes! I couldn't breath through most of it, I was gasping for air and was curled in a ball. I hope that doesn't happen again. My ribs, lungs and heart are very sore today., it hurts to hold myself up to type this at my computer. I hope the doctors get their butts in gear and help me find out what is wrong with me. Why am I going through this pain?! I am a good nice person that is out to help people. First I'm "crazy" so the doctors didn't think anything was wrong and then they actually start testing and BAM! Something must be wrong but not enough to get going fast enough. I have to wait until September to see a specialist. This sucks.

Updates are always fun

I don't know how many times I have cried this week. I know it's far more then anyone has seen. I'm down to one working limb now. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to use my cane because my arm is starting to give out. When that happens, I won't be able to use my wheelchair either. Sadly I can't just switch hands because my left arm is starting to go as well. Soon, I'm sure my left leg will start going. Then I'm shit out of luck aren't I? I don't know what I'm going to do about getting around anymore if I can't use my cane or my wheelchair. I can't be bed ridden, that will drive me nuts and I wont get anything done. The Doctors aren't doing anything. Bastards. If they had only done their jobs in the first place I might be ok, or at least on recovery instead of endure extreme pain and losing functioning in all of my limbs. These daily headaches are driving me crazy and it's getting hard to breath sometimes. But only when the pain shoots through or a bit after. I've gotten good at hiding it, when it's getting bad. But people are making it easy by not looking either. I am not surprised. Everyone here has there own problems and everyone's seem worse then the others. I'm going to be driven mad if I end up not being able to move. So much for not taking medication to for whatever crazy they list me as now-a-days. But that will come when it comes. For now, I just have the pain to worry about. Everything else will come in it's own time.